Little Lessons

Last evening, we were in playing and you were enjoying the slide. Yes your favorite one is slide. with every step in slide, you were giggling with happiness and after every slide you run back for your next chance.

A boy (of almost 13 year old) came to you and offered you a small packet of toffee. Happily you accepted it, held it in your hand and came running to me. You were very excited, you carefully handed it over to me, pointing to your mouth, means I should open the packet and give to you. When I checked the packet, it was hampered and inside there were small stones. I looked at your face, you were eagerly waiting for the toffee, with a glee in your eyes. My heart broke to 1000 peaces at that moment, I didnt wanted to hurt you but I had to show you the truth. I opened your palm and emptied the packet in your hand. Your expression slowly changed, all the happiness from your face vanished, you looked confused and cheated. You couldnt mae out, confused, you looked at my face for an answer. I showed you the packet again, pointed at the little stones in your hand and confirmed that its not chocolate, just a silly prank.

You were about to cry but also confused at the same time. I took you to my lap and showed you the little stones again. I asked you to throw it away. With a sad face, you threw it away, got down from my lap and went back to slide for your next turn.

I felt the pain in your eyes. I felt like, smacking the face of that guy. I hate him for breaking your trust, for hurting you for no reason, for playing such stupid pranks with my sweet heart. But then I realized that you handled the whole situation better than me. Though you were disappointed at first, but soon you threw it away and dint allow it to effect your playtime.

I wish you will always be like this, smart and bold. Never allow anyone to hurt you or stop you from enjoying your life. You will face many kind of people, few of them wrapped in colorful paper but are stones inside. Ignore them, or handle them like a pro. Your happiness is not with anyone else, its always with you. You are your master.

And remember, no matter what I am always with you and together we can face the whole world.

Love you baby

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Gender Equality – A solitary struggle or a societal change

‘Gender Parity’, ‘Gender Equality’, ‘Women Empowerment’, you get to hear these words a way too much today, because its International Women’s day. Because all other day we are just ordinary women struggling in our day to day life. In my opinion, this day is celebrated to appreciate our daily fights with the society, to remind us that it’s a long way till we achieve the super terms like equality, empowerment etc. The first women’s day was celebrated in 1909, ie more than a century and we are still fighting for our rights. Great!!!

After all the empowerment speeches today, I was just wondering do we need a solitary struggle or a societal change to achieve equality.

Every revolution starts with a single spark. So yes I need to do my part. But then a single spark cannot make significant changes until it becomes a full blown fire. I can do my part, but until unless the whole crowd around me also changes, ‘my part’ will be immaterial. For example I can bring up my daughter to be more confident and independent human being, but if tomorrow the society points at her, she will never be at peace. She will have to fight with the society all her life just to prove herself right. I do not want that for my daughter, that’s not what I have dreamt for her, neither do I want my daughter to face the inequality which I faced.

Today when I leave my kid behind at home, with a trusted maid, after making sure that my baby is well fed and all her needs will be taken care with love, but still I am being pointed again and again by the society for being an ‘ambitious’ lady who can never be a good mother.  I never chose career over family, rather I have always balanced between them and yes I am struggling day in day out to balance them. But then that was my option and am ready for that. What is the problem then? Or rather who has the problem here? Why am I questioned on my ability to take care of my child. Why am I always probed and pointed?

Once my close friend (male), out of concern for me and my baby, asked me to take 2 years sabbatical leave to take care of my daughter. When I politely refused, he said you can at least dedicate 2 years of your life to your baby. My answer was/is, “2 years? Why only 2 years? I am ready to dedicate my whole life for my baby, after all it was my decision to bring her to this world, to be her mother. But that doesn’t mean that I need to stop being me, leave behind my dreams and wishes.”

Coming back to my heading, a solitary struggle is always required, and I am fighting my struggle now, and I will be fighting till the am exhausted. But can you tell me how long? Generations after generations, we the ‘empowered’ women, we the ‘super’ women, will continue fighting till our last breath, because we are strong, because we can fight, because we are made to believe that we are fighters. But again where is the equality here?  My male counterparts are not fighting for their rights? Are they? My male counterparts are not answerable to society? Are they? Then why only me? Why only the women?

Until and unless the society changes, the solitary struggles are inconsequential. Though I will get my rights, but I cannot call that as equality. Equality will be achieved only when I will be respected, appreciated, acknowledged and approved as my male counterpart, without any struggle. And to get that our society has to change.

Of course the society cannot change in a day and this change will take time, but for that we need to act today. We need to make sure that at least the next generation has gender equality, for that we need to inculcate the idea into the young brains from their childhood itself. I request all the individual woman, fighting their solitary struggle for gender equality to make sure that our next generation should not face this.

Happy women’s day once again. Hoping that we don’t have to celebrate this day for long and soon we will be empowered.

Does this happen to you?

I am feeling very low today. I feel heavy as though any moment I can break and cry my heart out. (No it is not that part of the month and its not near also). Simple things like some touchy article or blog is making my eyes moist. I need to take extra efforts to smile today. I am getting irritated for no reason and am feeling exhausted even to show anger.

When my friend asked me the reason for this gloomy mood, I really couldn’t answer anything. I cant think of anything that spoiled my mood or made me hurt. It was a usual Monday morning and I got up at the usual time, only with much low energy and a heavy heart. No, nothing happened yesterday and is slept well. And the usual me doesn’t hate Mondays, so it is not one of those Monday blues.

I feel like a negative energy around me and I want to come out of it and smile, smile from my heart. But am not able to do that.

Does this happen to you also? And if so what do you do? How do you come out of it? Why does it happen at the first place and how can I avoid it?

Why am I not able to count my blessing and why its taking extra efforts today to just smile.

Do we really need to learn how to Bath?

You took you first proper bath (by Pathichi, Valsala aunty) on 7th Jul 2016. Till then we gave you only sponge bath. Your ammama was too scared to bath you. You cried a lot while taking bath. The whole concept of water on your body felt very strange to you. You screamed your lungs out. I could completely understand you and your hatred towards that water, So I cried with you. And ofcourse I got scolding from your ammama for being so silly.

After your first bath you might have felt fresh, because you took a nice long nap after that. Every day, you cry a lot while bathing. Till your 27th day, you took bath with warm water. You were slowly getting used to the concept of warm water bath. Though you still hate it and cry a lot but slowly you were getting accustomed and then all of a sudden on 28th day you were made to bath in cold water. I mean what the hell is that. Just now my baby is getting used to it, and all of a sudden you just change the temperature of water. I was perplexed by the thought itself, I prepared my self for a strong protest from you, but to my dismay you didn’t cry much. I think you might have overheard that Aunty talking about all these change in temperature and instead of they giving surprise to you, you surprised them.

And on the same day, after a month long steaming burning hot bath, I was also forced to take bath with cold water. Too much right. First they forcefully make us bath in hot water, hot means boiling hot water, where you scream and protest. At times I thought my skin literally burned. And then after a month of torture when you get little used to it, you are forced to take bath in cold water on a rainy day. Literally too much. Why cant they go for a normal temperature. And by normal temperature, I meant the temperature which feels good on your skin, which is neither too hot nor too cold and just perfect to give you a relaxing bath, a refreshing bath.

After your 28th day, I was given strict order to bath you in cold water only but I, who herself was against this too cold or too hot bath was against this decision. And moreover I want my baby to enjoy her bath.  So I pleaded to mom and made sure that you get back your warm water. Slowly we brought down the temperature of water and then on sunny days we started keeping the water in hot sun to change its temperature. And this made you enjoy your bathing sessions. Instead of mere torture, bathing became a relaxing event for you. By 3 months you started loving your bathing sessions. You love your new bathing tub. You enjoy the water now. And sometimes it becomes difficult to control your excitement. You kick the whole tub and at times it becomes difficult to manage you and the tub together.

I hope I have successfully taught my baby to relax and enjoy her bathing instead of crying and hating it. So a feather to my motherhood hat. Hope I get many more such feathers.

Better late than never

This new year was tough on me. Things were slowly slipping from my hand and I was not able to take everything together. Soon I realized that am losing my faith and strength. And if I don’t act on it now, I will lose my time.

A late new year resolution, you can say…

Empty some of my thoughts by writing them down

But my problem now is am not even able to focus on writing. My mind is not working, or to put in a more clear way, my mind is not thinking in a streamlined way. It jumps too often from one topic to other, making it impossible to focus or concentrate on anything.

Open your mouth slightly

Instead of having your mouth closed with clenched jaws slightly open it which unlocks the jaw relaxes your cheek and facials muscles and most importantly allows a natural flow of energy back into the body again. You will instantly notice it releases unnecessary thoughts that were once trapped inside your head with tension. (I came across this from internet long back and used to practice it every time I am tensed or too much into something, believe me it works)

Activate your senses

Bringing awareness into your five senses smell, taste, touch, sight and sound directs energy away from your mind and back into your body where it should be. Smell good things, for this you need to light a candle or agarbatti and hence you will light the lamp daily. Feel for your skin and see if its soft, neglected, this will help you to take care of your skin and your body. See around, from you balcony or go out. A small outing is always refreshing. Taste good and that’s the first thing you would love to do. Good music and nice talks, all these are refreshing. You can always find good music around you with the trending technology. But for a good talk, you need a good listener and a person who talks about positive things, about knowledge, about world and never about the petty issues.

Keep a gratitude log

Keep at least five minutes aside every day to thank god. Try to mention five things for which you are happy and grateful.

Zone out

Take time to rest your mind every day. Let your mind shut off from having to process, apply, or interpret information. This means no TV, no conversation, no reading, and no problem solving. Take a break from the chores, from the duties of the day. Let the breath come and go naturally, and the eyes roam wherever they want. Look at the trees sway, the clouds float, the stars shimmer. This will help you to focus better

 Control your media intake

Everytime, we check a whatsapp message or facebook status we move to a whole different world. When I check a message in my school group, my mind shifts to school and my friends there, and then to a college group, the hill station, the climate, the classes, and then to Chennai life, my first salary, hostel, and then to Mumbai, a different and fast life. So just 4 messages are enough to clutter my mind with so many thoughts and  people and memories. And I think this is one of the major reason for my lack of attention. I try to focus on my work and in minutes I get bored, my hand subconsciously picks up the phone checks the status and go through the messages or posts. And again clutters my mind with more thoughts. Again I control and come back to work, its hardly few minutes and am back to next message. So I think this should be first step to de-clutter my mind. Limit my media intake.

Get creative

So many thoughts come in my mind, every now and then. But then I never get time for it. This I would share the blame with Sunshine also, because every time I think of doing something, my only fear is she will not allow or she will convert the whole episode to a tiresome work.

Exercise

Get active and get your endorphins going! I do not have any excuse for this and I take the whole blame myself.

Do something kind for another person

If you want to see more of something in your life, start giving that thing away—be it love, money, or attention. Make it a point every day to be kind with your actions, your words, and especially your thoughts.

If you don’t feel genuinely moved to lend a helping hand or pass along a compliment, simply smile instead. That act alone is enough to improve your mood and clear the mental blockage between you and compassion.

Phew… that seems to be a long list.

You are growing up

As soon as we step into any crowded place, you being the only responsible person around, take up all the responsibilities.

You make sure that I am holding you all the time, else I will get lost

I am holding the shopping kart all the time, else somebody will take our precious collection which we selected from shelf. I cannot keep it down or leave it unattended, even if it is to pick something from the shelf

I am having my phone with me all the time and is not giving it to anyone to hold, not even to your dad. What if I get lost, need to call somebody and for that I need phone. Infact everyone should hold their own phone, be it ammama, appoopan..

You dad is always in your visible vicinity. No moving around like small kid and then get lost somewhere

And if any of these things are not done, you shout and cry till we follow your instructions.

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Sunshine: Amma

Me: hmm ( busy with my own work)

Sunshine: amma

Me: entho (What?)

Sunshine: Amma (Louder)

Me: yes molu, para (Yes dear, tell me)

Sunshine: Amma (Louder than last time)

Me: Turned to her and asked, what happened?

Sunshine: with a smile, she will tell whatever she need

(lesson learned: when somebody calls you, look at them on face and then talk)

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You have learned a new word “Mummy”. You call me amma. But from last two days, at times you call me Mummy. I don’t know from where did you picked it up, but that shows my baby is growing and now understands different words or perhaps languages also.

Last evening we went to a super market for routine grocery shopping. And in between when I moved away, to call me back, you shouted “Mummy Va”.  That was the first time when I heard mummy and for a minute I was surprised. Took a moment to absorb it and asked you again. You repeated it many times. Your dad was also amazed. And then when we were back home, you shifted back to Amma mode.

Today afternoon, you came down to drop us off till parking and then again you called me mummy. “Mummy Bye”

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Whenever you see small babies you call them Vava (Baby in malayalam). We have many Vavas in our flat and you know them all. Recently when we went down to park, I showed you a small baby and called her Vava.

But since the baby’s parents were talking in English (non malayalees) , you corrected me and called the baby, “Baby”, instead of Vava. (*Shocked with mouth wide open)

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